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DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA, 


OR 


THE  EMPEROR  NICHOLAS 


maican, 


A.    OO3JCE13Y     IIV 


By    CHARLES 


NEW    ORLEANS: 

The  •'  Bronze  (Pen,"  gook  and  Job  (Print,  IIS  G-ravier  Street. 
For  sale  at  the  "  Bronze  Pen  "  Stationery  Store,  (2  Bourbon  street. 
865. 


University  of  California  •  Berkeley 
From  the  papers  of 

Ernest  Peixotto 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA, 


OR 


THE  EMPEROK  NICHOLAS 


AND 


A.    COMEDY    IN    TWO    A.CTS 


BY  CHARLES  GAYARRE. 


NEW  ORLEANS : 

THE  "BRONZE  PEN"  PRINT,  112  GRAVIER  STREET/ 
For  salo  at  tha  -'Bronze  Pen"  Stationery  Store,  62  Bourbon  street. 

1865. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1865, 
BY  CHARLES  GAYARRfi, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  for  the  Eastern 
District  of  Louisiana. 


uff  in 


A  COMEDY  IN  TWO  ACTS 


PERSONAQES: 

EMPEROR  NICHOLAS. 

COUNT  NESSELRODE,  Minister  oj  Foreign  Relations. 

PRINCE  KOURAKIN,  Minister  of  Justice  and  of 'the  Interior. 

COUNT  PAHLEN,  Minister  of  War. 

DOCTOR  BLUFF,  an  American  Doctor. 

VISCOUNTESS  MORDAUNT,  an  English  Lady. 

LODOISKA,  Daughter  of  Nesselrode. 

JAMES,  a  Servant  of  the   Viscountess. 

FIRKOFF,  Count  Pahlen's  Footman. 


6  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA A  COMEDY. 

retary  of  War  at  a  moment  when  Russia  needs  so  much  skill  and  devo- 
tion in  that  department  of  State,  to  resist  successfully  the  gigantic 
struggle  she  has  to  maintain  against  the  two  greatest  powers  of  the 
Earth."  He  then  added  with  a  condescending  and  benignant  smile  : 
"  This  favor,  Pahlen,  is  only  a  part  of  the  marriage  portion  which  I  in- 
tend to  give  you.  Choose,  without  further  delay,  between  the  house  of 
Nesselrode  and  that  of  Kourakin.  It  is  the  policy  of  a  wise  sovereign 
to  keep  united  those  great  families  which  are  the  pillars  of  the  throne." 
My  emotion  was  so  deep,  at  this  sudden  announcement  of  the  Imperial 
pleasure,  that  I  could  reply  only  by  a  profound  bow  and  by  kissing  the 
hand  which  the  Czar  extended  to  me  as  he  passed  off.  What  have  we 
to  do  now  but  to  wait  a  while,  and  seek  for  a  favorable  opportunity  to 
extricate  ourselves  from  our  difficulties ! 

VISCOUNTESS. 

0  heaven !     They  seem,  indeed,  to  thicken  around  us. 

PAHLEN. 

1  am  distressed  beyond  expression,  dearest.     You  are  so  poorly  re- 
warded for  the  great  sacrifices  which,  for  my  sake... 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Do  not  speak  in  this  desponding  mood,  Pahlen.  I  am  happy  —  in- 
deed, I  am.  Calm  your  anxieties.  You  shake  your  head ! — Well,  then, 
I'll  tell  you  a  secret.  I  have  hopes,  my  dear  husband,  strong  hopes, 
although  I  did  not  want  to  communicate  them  to  you,  before  there  was 
a  probability  of  their  being  realized. 

PAHLEN, 

Indeed  !     What  are  they  ? 

VISCOUNTESS. 

When  my  sister,  Lady  Seymour,  departed  from  St.  Petersburg,  I 
wrote  through  her  to  my  uncle,  the  Duke  of  Devonshire.  The  Duke« 
you  know,  resided  many  years  at  St.  Petersburg  as  England's  envoy, 
and  the  Emperor  openly  professes  for  him  a  great  deal  of  esteem,  and 
even  of  friendship.  I  explained  our  position  to  him,  and  begged  him  to 
put  his  influence  to  the  test  with  his  imperial  friend,  and  to  intercede  in 
our  behalf.  He  immediately  answered  me  that  he  would  do  so. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  7 

PAHLEN. 

How  glad  I  am  to  hear  this !  It  removes  a  mountain  load  off  my 
mind. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

My  uncle  further  informs  me  that,  as  many  Americans  were  coming 
to  Russia  in  consequence  of  this  war,  some  from  curiosity,  and  others 
to  offer  their  services,  particularly  engineers,  doctors,  and  surgeons,  he 
would  seek  among  them  a  man  of  proper  qualifications,  and  intrust  him 
with  a  letter  for  the  Emperor  with  secret  instructions  how  to  act  in  the 
matter, 

PAHLEN. 

Yes — yes — I  see  through  it.     It  is  very  ingenious. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

It  is  a  good  idea ;  for  neither  Nesselrode  nor  Kourakin  will  suspect 
such  a  personage  of  interfering  with  their  ambitious  views,  and,  through 
that  secret  channel  of  communication,  my  uncle,  the  Duke,  will  have  a 
safe  opportunity  to  make  an  appeal  to  the  Emperor's  generosity,  and  to 
his  kind  remembrance  of  him.  The  Emperor,  I  hope,  notwithstanding 
his  habitual  sterness  of  disposition,  will 

PAHLEN. 

Thank  God — for  the  proffered  relief !  There  never  was  a  more  timely 
one;  for,  the  cares  of  State  which  now  assail  our  august  master  seem  to 
have  rendered  him  still  more  unyielding  than  usual.  Nay...  since  the 
beginning  of  this  war,  signs  of  irritation  are  frequent  in  him — so  that  I 
dare  not  tempt  his  anger. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Let  us  hope,  Pahlen — let  us  hope.  I  expect  every  moment,  my 
uncle's  messenger.  But  who  comes  ? 


SCENE   Il.-E^TER  JAMES, 

JAMES. 
A  card  for  your  ladyship. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  KUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

PAHLEN. 
What  can  it  be  1 

VISCOUNTESS  —  [Glancing  at  the  card,  and  then  handing  it  to  the 

Count.} 

Judge  for  yourself, 

PAHLEN  —    Raiding  :  ] 

"  Doctor  Bluff,  formerly  from  the  United  States  of  America,  and  re- 
cently from  London,  begs  leave  to  visit  the  magnificent  premises  occu- 
pied by  Viscountess  Mordaunt,  and  claims  her  indulgence  for  the  cu- 
riosity of  a  stranger  nnd  a  tourist." 

VISCOUNTESS. 

It  must  be  he^Pahlen.  It  must  be  the  man  alluded  to  by  my  uncle, 
and  who  takes  this  means  to  approach  me.  I  will  invite  him  to  come  in. 

PAHLEN. 

It  may  not  be  proper  that  he  should  see  me  before  you  ascertain  if 
your  suppositions  are  correct.  I  shall  make  room  for  him,  and  shall 
wait  in  the  next  saloon  for  the  result  of  youi  interview.  [He  walks 
towards  one  of  the  lateral  doors.  \ 

JAMES. 

Not  in  that  direction,  your  Excellency.  Count  Nesselrode  and  his 
daughter  have  just  entered  that  room. 

PAHLEN— [Astonished.] 
What !     Count  Nesselrode  and  his  daughter ! 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Yes — I  expected  them   this  morning — although  not  so  early.     Lo 
doiska  wrote  to  me,  last  evening,  that  her  father,  my  next  neighbor  you 
know,  being  compelled  to  return  to  St.  Petersburg,  she  would  accompany 
him  thus  far  and  pass  the  day  with  me. 

PAHLEN. 
Then  I  shall  make  my  escape  through  the  park.     Farewell,  love. 

VISCOUNTESS, 
Shall  I  see  you  this  evening? 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

PAHLEN—  [Kissing  her  land.} 
Sooner  if  I  can.     [Exit.] 

VISCOUNTESS— [To  James.] 

Tell  Doctor  Bluff  that  lie  is  welcome  to  visit  the  premises,  and  that, 
should  he  have  any  particular  reason  to  see  me,  I  shall  be  happy  to 
receive  him.  Do  you  understand1? 

JAMES. 

Yes,  your  ladyship. 

VISCOUNTESS. 
Then  look  to  it. 

JAMES. 
Yes,  milady.     [Moves  away.] 

VISCOUNTESS. 
James ! 

JAMES. 
Madam. 

VISCOUNTESS. 
Now  introduce  Count  Nesselrode  and  his  daughter. 


SCENE  III. 

JAMES — [Throwing  "pen  one  of  the  lateral  doors  :  ] 

His  Excellency,  Count  Nesselrode,  and  her  Ladyship,  miss  Nessel- 
rode. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

How  happy  I  am  to  see  you,  Count !  Dear  Lodoiska,  how  grateftil 
I  am  to  you  for  this  kind  visit !  Although  we  are  neighbors,  you  have 
not,  of  late,  familiarized  me  too  much  with  such  favors.  After  all,  Count, 
great  men  who,  like  you,  wield  the  destinies  of  empires,  have  very  little 
time  to  throw  at  the  feet  of  such  frivolous  beings  as  we  are. 

NESSELRODE. 

Ah !  Viscountess — in  your  presence,  even  an  old  statesman  like  my- 
self would  soon  forget  the  destinies  of  empires. 


10  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Take  care,  Count.  Don't  turn  traitor  to  your  country ;  for  you  are 
getting  to  be  decidedly  French.  This  compliment  is  the  proof  of  it. 
But  I  am  not  the  dupe  of  your  politeness.  [  To  Lodoiska.]  It  is  to 
you,  dear,  that  I  am  indebted  for  your  father's  visit,  and  I  should  be 
still  more  indebted  to  you,  if,  instead  of  a  day,  you  were  to  pass  a  week 
with  me. 

NESSELRODE. 

You  have  anticipated  my  wishes.  I  was  going  to  ask  it  as  a  favor. 
The  health  of  tliis  dear  child  is  not  good  of  late,  and  I  desire  for  her  the 
benefit  of  country  air.  For  that  purpose,  I  had  intended  to  rusticate 
with  her  a  few  days ;  but  hardly  have  I  reached  my  villa,  when  a  sud- 
den order  from  the  Emperor  summons  me  back  to  St.  Petersburg,  and 
God  only  knows  how  long  I  shall  be  detained  there. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

This/^Count,  makes  amends  for  your  former  neglect,  and  I/orgive  you. 
NESSELRODE. 

Then  peace  is  signed  between  us,  and  I  leave  Lodoiska  as  a  hostage 
with  your  ladyship.  I  hope  to  find  her,  on  my  return,  more  cheerful, 
and...  [Addressing  his  daughter]  shall  I  say  more  reasonable,  my  dear? 

LODOISKA. 

More  reasonable  !  Why — pa — if  Lady  Mordaunt  knew  what  we  dis- 
agree about,  I  am  sure  she  would  side  with  me. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

What  is  it,  my  dear1? 

NESSELRODE. 
Hush ! — daughter— hush ! — none  of  your  nonsense  here. 

LODOISKA. 

Pshaw  ! — You  know  that  I  am  a  petted  and  a  spoiled  child,  father. 
You  say  so  yourself.  Nay — don't  shake  your  finger]  at  me.  You  may 
frighten  the  English  and  the  French,  but  you  won't  frighten  me. 

NESSELIIODE. 

If  you  talk  so,  you  shall  not  have  that  necklace  which 

LODOISKA. 

I'll  have  it,  pa, — talk  or  no  talk.  [  Leaning  coaxingly  on  his  shoul 
der.]  Are  you  not  a  dear  pa — and  am  I  not  your  beloved  1 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  11 

NESSELRODE— [Fondly.] 

Yes — my  beloved !  That  you  know  but  too  well.  But  don't  be  un- 
reasonable— don't. 

LODOISKA. 

I,  unreasonable  !  It  is  you  who  are  unreasonable.  You  ought  to  be 
ashamed  of  yourself,  to  be  so  unreasonable,  and  yet  to  be  the  Prime 
Minister  of  all  the  Russias  !  [Pouting.]  I  wonder  the  Emperor  trusts 
you  at  all.  [  To  the  Viscountess,  returning  from  the  glass  doors  opening 
on  the  park  in  the  back  part  of  the  stage,  whither  she  had  gone,  during 
the  colloquy  between  Nesselrode  and  daughter,  as  ifslie  looked  for  somebody 
to  make  his  oppearance  in  that  direction,  probably  the  expected  Dr.  Bluff'.] 
Do  you  know  what  he  wants  me  to  do  ?  He  wants  me  to  marry  a  man 
I  don't  love !  I  am  sure  such  a  thing  would  not  be  thought  of  in  a 
free  country — in  England,  for  instance. 

VISCOUNTESS. 
I  am  glad  that  you  have  so  good  an  opinion  of  my  country. 

NESSELRODE. 

What  better  match  can  you  hope  for  than  Count  Pahlen — the  Czar's 
favorite  ?  Besides,  he  loves  you. 

VISCOUNTESS— I"  Alarmed] 
[  To  Lodoiska  :  ] — He  loves  you  ! 

LODOISKA. 
No ! — he  don't. — I  know  better. — Trust  me  for  that. 

VISCOUNTESS— [Aside] 
I  breathe  freely.     What  a  charming  child ! 

LODOISKA— [To  the  Viscountess  :  ] 
You  know  Count  Pahlen.     Is  he  not  odious  ? 

NESSELRODE. 

Well !  I  am  glad  of  this  appeal  to  your  ladyship.  Is  not,  madam, 
Count  Pahlen  an  accomplished  gentleman?  Could  a  father  make  a 
better  choice  for  his  daughter  ? 

VISCOUNTESS— [Slightly  confused] 

The  Count  is  rich — a  Minister  of  State — and  the  descendant  of  an  old 
and  powerful  race.... 

LODOISKA— [Petulantly.] 
What's  that  to  me  ? 


12  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

He  is  handsome. 

LODOISKA. 

No. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Witty. 

LODOISKA. 

No,  no. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

He  is  reported  to  be  as  brave  as  he  is  kind-hearted. 

LODOISKA — [Stamping  her  foot  with  girlish  impatience.] 
No...  no...  no. — It  is  Lipinski  who  is  handsome,  witty,  and  as  brave 
as  he  is  kind-hearted. 

VISCOUNTESS— [,4^.] 

I  adore  this  amiable  child.  Decidedly  she  is  very  pretty.  It  had 
not  struck  me  so  before. 

NESSELRODE. 

You  hear  her,  madam  !  you  hear  her !  You  know  Lipinski= — a  hare- 
brained fellow — -tainted  with  the  new-fangled  notions  of  the  day — a 
Pole !  whom  the  Emperor  does  not  like  ! 

LODOISKA. 

I  love  him,  if  the  Emperor  don't.  I  will  say  so  to  the  Emperor  him- 
self. Why  should  I  not  speak  my  mind  to  him  ?  Is  he  not  my  god- 
father ?  and  has  he  not  bid  me  never  to  be  afraid  of  him  ?  [Aside.]  I 
am,  though — and  terribly  too. 

NESSELRODE. 
Madam,  I  claim  your  indulgence  for  the  follies  of  this  child. 

VISCOUNTESS. 
But,  really,  Count,  I  do  not  think  her  so  very  unreasonable ! 

NESSELRODE. 

What,  madam ! — not  unreasonable !  Consider  that  Pahlen,  young  as 
he  is,  is  the  favorite,  not  only  of  the  Emperor,  but  also  of  the  heir  appa- 
rent ;  consider  that  the  present  and  the  future  belong  to  him ;  that  if  he 
does  not  marry  Lodoiska,  he  is  bound  to  unite  himself  to  the  daughter 
of  Prince  Kourakin,  my  old  rival  in  the  confidence  of  the  Emperor.  I 
cannot  permit  such  a  thing — it  is  impossible  :  reasons  of  State  forbid  it. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA A  COMEDY.  13 

•VISCOUNTESS. 

But  if  Count  Pahlen,  owing  to  some  unaccountable  deficiency  of  taste, 
should  not  be  disposed  to  many  either  of  those  two  charming  women  ? 

NESSELEQDE. 

Impossible ! — He  is  too  faithful  a  subject  to  render  himself  guilty  of 
such  a  want  of  respect  for  the  Emperor.  It  would  be  little  short  of 
high  treason.  No,  no — when  the  Czar  commands,  a  Pahlen  obeys — or... 

VISCOUNTESS— [Aside.} 
This  is  dreadful.     Heaven  protect  us  ! 


SCENE    IV.— ENTER   JAMES. 

JAMES. 

Doctor  Bluff  begs  leave  to  present  his  respects  to  her  ladyship. 

VISCOUNTESS. 
Show  him  in. 

NESSELRODE. 

Dr.  Bluff!  Where  did  I  see  that  name?  Certainly,  something  has 
called  my  attention  to  it. 

VISCOUNTESS— [With  some  show  of  uneasiness.} 
Do  you  know  any  thing  of  the  Doctor  ? 

NESSELRODE. 

I  think  I  do,  madam,  [^s/^e.]  Let  me  see...  let  me  see...  Where 
did  I  see  that  name?  Ah!...  I  have  it. 

VISCOUNTESS— [  Whose  uneasiness  increases} 
Do  you  know  the  object  of  his  coming  here  ] 

NESSELRODE. 

No,  not  exactly.  [Aside}  I  think  I  do,  though.  [Drawing  a  news- 
paper from  his  pocket,  he  glances  at  it  hurriedly,  and  says  to  himself :  [ 
There  it  is.  Lucky  it  is  that  this  paragraph  in  the  London  Times 
struck  me. 

SCENE    V.— EE -ENTER   JAMES. 

JAMES — [Opening  one  of  the  lateral  doors  and  announcing  :  \ 
Doctor  Bluff. 


14  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA A  COMEDY 

DOCTOR  BLUFF— [  With  emphasis.] 

1  avail  myself,  madam,  of  your  permission  to  pay  my  respects  to  your 
ladyship,  and  I  am  liappy  to  return  you  my  thanks  for  the  opportunity 
you  have  afforded  me  to  admire  so  many  prodigies  of  art.  Truly...  this 
is  what  I  call  a  princely  residence ;  my  admiration  increases  as  I  pro- 
gress, and  now  [looking, meaningly  at  the  Viscountess]  it  has  reached  its 
climax.  [Aside]  That's  a  hit,  I  believe.  I'll  teach  these  aristocratic 
folks  that  we,  Americans,  are  not  deficient  in  high  falutin  politeness. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

I  am  glad,  sir,  that  I  have  the  opportunity  of  being  agreeable  to  you. 
[Pointing  to  Nesselrode  and  Lodoiska]  This  is  His  Excellency  Count 
Nesselrode.  and  his  daughter. 

DOCTOR  BLUFF. 

Sir,  I  am  proud  of  this  introduction  to  the  great  minister  of  a  great 
prince.  [  Aside.  ]  This  is  another  hit.  \  To  Lodoisha]  And  I  am 
happy  to  lay  my  homage  at  the  feet  of  the  sweetest  flower  in  the  par- 
terre of  all  the  Russias.  [Aside.]  This  is  what  I  call  a  clincher. 

LODOISKA — [Raising  her  eye-glass,  and  surveying  him] 
An  amusing  original ! 

NESSELRODE— [Aside] 

The  fellow  does  not  imagine  that  I  suspect  his  mission.  He  is  acting 
an  assumed  part,  the  better  to  conceal  the  real  one. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

I  see  from  your  card  that  you  are  recently  from  England  1 

DOCTOR  BLUFF. 

As  you  say,  madam — -just  the  time  necessary  to  run  through  France, 
Germany,  Poland — and  here  I  am — on  my  way  to  St.  Petersburg,  when, 
being  struck  with  the  appearance  of  this  residence,  I  begged  the  favor 
of  being  permitted  to  visit  it. 

LODOISKA— [Archly.] 

If  you  kept  running  all  the  time,  you  must  have  seen  very  little  of 
the  countries  you  passed  through,  and  yet  I  am  told  that  they  are 
worthy  of  all  the  attention  of  the  traveler. 

DOCTOR  BLUFF* 

On  my  return,  I  shall  visit  them  leisurely.  For  the  present,  I  was 
in  naete  to  reach  St.  Petersburg,  before  the  expiration  of  the  summer- 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  15 

NESSELRODE. 

And  pray,  sir,  may  I  know  the  pressing  interest  you  have  in  thus 
hastening  to  St.  Petersburg  ?  Some  great  commercial  operation,  or  some 
speculation  or  other,  I  suppose  ?  for,  you  Americans,  whatever  he  your 
profession,  have  still  something  of  the  merchant  or  speculator  left  in  you. 

DOCTOR  BLUFF. 

No,  sir.  I  am  nothing  but  a  doctor — a  doctor  of  medicine....  to  serve 
your  Excellency,  and  the  present  company,  if  needed — a  regular  gra- 
duate in  the  Philadelphia  school  of  medicine — and  a  practitioner  for  the 
last  twenty  years  in  the  State  of  Mississippi. 

NESSELRODE. 

Perhaps  you  are  coming  to  offer  your  services  to  his  Majesty  in  this 
war,  as  many  others  have  done  ? 

LODOISKA. 

Pa,  since  you  are  going  to  talk  war  and  politics  as  usual,  I'll  look  into 
the  newest  Parisian  fashions,  [pointing  to  some  engravings  on  a  table] 
and  select  the  dress  you  will  have  to  give  me  for  the  next  Court  ball. 
[She  takes  a  chair  by  the  table  and  examines  the  engravings.] 

DOCTOR  BLUFF— [Looking  at  Lodoiska.] 

Sweet  darling,  that!  [Turning  to  Ncsselrode.]  No,  sir;  I  hate  all 
wars.  But  I  confess  freely  that  I  have  been  prevailed  upon  to  accept 
a  trifling  mission  to  the  Czar,  and  as  soon  as  our  Minister  Plenipoten- 
tiary who,  I  understand,  is  momentarily  absent,  returns,  I  shall  solicit 
through  him  the  favor  of  an  audience. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

I  hope,  sir,  that  your  mission,  whatever  it  be,  will  end  successfully. 
[Aside .]  He  must  be  the  very  individual  my  uncle  was  to  send  me. 
But  I  will  make  assurance  doubly  sure.  [To  Dr.  Bluff:]  And  pray, 
sir,  how  did  you  like  England]  I  hope  that  you  saw  some  of  its 

society  1 

DOCTOR  BLUFF— [Pompously.] 

The  very  best,  madam,  the  very  best.  [  Aside.]  A  little  harmless 
exaggeration ! 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Some  of  her  distinguished 'men'? 

DOCTOR  BLUFF. 

All  of  them.     [Aside.]     It  would  not  do  to  say  no. 


16  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA A  COMEDY. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Some  of  her  nobility  ? 

DOCTOR  BLUFF. 

Intimate  with  many  of  them.    [  Aside.']    There !....  so  much  for  your 
Paul-Pry  curiosity ! 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Will  you  permit  me,  Doctor  Bluff,  to  ask  you  if  you  ever  met  my 
kinsman,  the  Duke  of  Devonshire  ? 

DOCTOR  BLUFF. 

Met  him  frequently.  [Aside.']  No  lie— for  I  often  met  him— riding 
in  the  Park ! 

VISCOUNTESS. 

So,  you  know  my  dear  uncle  !  [Aside.']  No  longer  any  doubt — it 
is  he. 

NESSELRODE— [Aside.] 

He  is  acting  the  part  of  a  plain,  blunt  man ;  that's  evident.  It  in- 
creases my  suspicions  as  to  the  importance  of  his  mission. 

VISCOUNTESS— [Meaningly.] 

Doctor,  when  I  saw  your  profession  by  your  card,  the  thought  struck 
me  to  consult  you  in  the  absence  of  my  regular  physician.  For  I  am 
not  exactly  in  the  condition  in 'which  I  wish  to  be. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

My  limited  experience  and  my  poor  ability  are  at  your  service,  madam. 
[Aside]  What  an  honor !  An  English  Viscountess !  I  wish  my  folks 
knew  it  at  home. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

I  shall  shortly  see  you  in  private  Allow  me  to  retire  for  a  short  time, 
and  show  my  young  friend,  who  has  just  arrived,  [Pointing  to  Lodoiska] 
her  apartment.  Count,  you  will  excuse  mo.  [Exit  with  Lodoiska.] 


SCENE  VI.— NESSELKODE,     DK.   BLUFF. 

NESSELRODE. 

Now  that  we  are  left  to  ourselves,   I  shall  be  as  plain  as  yourself 
Doctor.     I  cut  matters  short  therefore,  and  come  at  once  to  the  point. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  17 

DR.  BLUFF— [Aside.] 

Ah !     Has   he  some  ailment  too !     [  To  Nesselrode :]  I  am  at 
your  service,  Sir. 

NESSELRODE. 

Well  then — let  us  speak  frankly — for  you  know  that,  in  our  profes- 
sion, we  are  frequently  compelled  to  disguise  truth. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Not  in  mine,  I  assure  you.  I  always  speak  out  bluntly.  I  disguise 
nothing — even  with  my  patients.  Try  me  when  you  please. 

NESSELRODE. 

Pshaw  !  Who  talks  of  patients?  You  understand, -I  am  sure,  what 
I  allude  to. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Tut !  Not  at  all,  man — I  beg  your  pardon — your  Excellency.  But 
I  am  used  to  be  blunt,  you  see — so  much  so  that,  if  I  were  to  meet  you 
more  than  once,  you  must  not  be  offended  should  I  greet  you  with : 
"how  are  you,  Nesselrode — old  fellow;  lam  glad  to  see  you."  To 
save  my  soul,  I  could  not  help  it. — It  is  my  nature. 

NESSELRODE. 

There  ! You  betray  yourself,  my  good  Sir.     You  overact  the  part 

you  have  assumed — such  manners  are  not  yours — they  are  not  natural — 
they  can't  be  the  manners  of  any  human  being.  The  exaggeration  is 
gross.  But  as  you  pretend  to  be  plain,  I'll  be  still  more  plain.  Do 
you  know  this  paper  1 

DR.  BLUFF. 

It  is  the  London  Times. 

NESSELRODE. 

Well ! — Please  to  give  me  your  opinion  of  this  paragraph.  I  take 
some  pride  in  convincing  you  that  nothing  escapes  the  attention  of  a 
Russian  Statesman.  [Reading:] 

"  We  are  happy  to  announce  the  arrival  of  the  distinguished  Doctor 
Bluff,  of  Bluffville,  Mississippi,  who  is  known  to  be  on  terms  of  intimacy 
with  the  President  of  the  United  States,  and  who,  it  is  said,  is  the 
bearer  of  important  despatches  to  the  American  Minister  at  St.  Peters- 
burg. It  is  further  believed,  that  he  is  to  convey  to  the  Czar  the  views 
of  the  cabinet  of  Washington  in  relation  to  the  Eastern  war.  The 
3 


18  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

sympathies  of  the  Americans  are  already  secured  to  the  Northern  des- 
pot, and  this  last  official  step  taken  by  their  chief  magistrate  tends 
perhaps  to  the  formation  of  an  unholy  alliance,  by  which  they  will 
sacrifice  to  their  selfish  desire  of  national  aggrandisement,  the  great 
interests  of  civilization  advocated  by  France  and  England." 

DR.  BLUFF— [  With  a  burst  of  laughter.] 

Why — this  is  the  mad  work  of  that  foolish  fellow,  Braincut,  who  is 
now  cutting  all  sorts  of  capers  in  London.  He  thought  it  fun  to  crack 
that  joke  at  my  expense,  and  to  humbug  and  alarm  John  Bull,  by  pro- 
curing, God  knows  by  what  means,  the  insertion  of  this  fanciful  para- 
graph into  the  Times. 

NESSELRODE— [Taking  leisurely  a  pinch  of  snuff:'] 
Very  ingenious,  indeed.     Very  !    This  is  warding  off  the  home  thrust 
with   consummate   skill.     I   compliment  you;    but,   surely,  you   don't 
expect  thus  to  foil  my  old  diplomatic  sagacity. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

My  dear  Sir,  I  believe  you  have  got  into  a  chronic  habit  of  seeing 

diplomacy  everywhere,  just  as  the  jaundiced  man,  you  know 

NESSELRODE— [  With  a  shrug  of  the  shoulders] 

I  presume,  doctor,  there  is  no  actual  incompatibility  between  medicinal 
art  and  diplomacy. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

No. — For,  they  both  deal  in  drugs — with  this  difference,  though — that 
the  object  of  the  first  is -to  heal — and  that  of  the  other,  to  do  the  reverse. 
Excuse  me — they  say  at  home  I  am  a  little  rough — like  my  name.  The 
fact  is,  I  am  not  used  to  Court  manners. 

NESSELRODE. 

Well,  Sir,  as  you  please.  I  understand  you  then  to  say,  that  you  have 
no  such  mission  as  is  hinted  at  in  this  paper. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Distinctly,  no. 

NESSELRODE— [  With  a  slight  sneering  intona*ion.\ 
Then  am  I  permitted  to  suppose,  that  the  trifling  mission  which  you 
have  admitted  to  have  accepted,  and  which  has  brought  you  so  far  from 
your  distant  country — is  that  of  communicating  to  us  some  secret  of 
your  professional  knowledge,  by  prosecuting  your  studies  in  our  imperial 
hospitals  ? 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY,  19 

DR.  BLUFF. 

No,  Sir,  no,  Sir.  But,  since  you  are  so  pertinacious,  I  will  tell  you  the 
truth,  the  whole  truth,  ana  nothing  but  the  truth,  as  we  say  in  our  courts, 
Know  then  that,  by  patient  industry,  and  by  a  long  practice  in  the  town 
of  Bluffville,  I  have  saved  enough  to  secure  an  income  of  $4,000  a  year — 
and  so- — on  a  hot  day,  last  spring,  I  got  tired  of  my  patients.  So — says  I 
to*  myself :  I'll  go  to  Europe  like  other  folks.  Done  as  soon  as  resolved — 
and  packed  my  trunk.  Great  rumor,  Sir — great  excitement  in  the  town— 
patients  much  alarmed — sorry  for  it — but  must  go — and  just  as  I  was 
shaking  hands  with  my  friends  on  board  the  steamboat  for  New  Orleans, 
up  came  a  deputation  from  the  "  Bluffville  Consolidated  Association  of 
the  Friends  of  Peace,"  and  they  handed  me  a  set  of  "Resolutions," 
which  they  requested  me  to  present  on  their  behalf  to  the  Emperor,  as 
they  knew  I  intended  to  go  as  far  as  St.  Petersburg. 

NESSELRODE. 

And  you  really  accepted  this  important — &nd  shall  I  say — this  only 
mission ! 

DR.  BLUFF. 

I  did,  to  be  sure — as  it  would  give  me  the  opportunity  of  peeing  the 
Emperor,  A  great  man,  Sir!  We  t  think  him  a  great  man  in  America! 
He  is  our  friend,  Sir — the  friend  of  the  United  States !  All  our  Presi- 
dents repeat  it  in  their  Annual  Messages !  And  Johnathan  always  sticks 
by  his  friends,  Sir !  And  so — says  I  to  myself :  I'll  have  a  little  talk 
with  the  Emperor  any  how,  and  that  will  be  something  to  brag  of,  at 
home. 

NESSELRODE.— O^de.] 

This  half  civilized  barbarian  astonishes  me.  He  is  impenetrable, 
and  cannot  be  thrown  off  his  guard.  [  To  Dr.  Bluff.]  Well !  Sir, — as  your 
Minister  happens  to  be  absent  for  some  days,  it  will  afford  me  pleasure 
to  introduce  you  to  my  august  master. 

DR.  BLUFF— [Bowing  low.} 

I  am  very  much  obliged  to  you,  Count,  and  I  accept  your  kind  offer. 
[Aside ',  and  rubbing  his  hands}.  What  will  our  folks  say  at  home,  when 
they  hear  that  Dr.  Bluff  has  approached  the  Emperor  without  the  assist- 
ance of  the  American  Legation  ! 

NESSELRODE. 

Then  the  thing  is  settled.  But  it  .is  understood  that  you  have  no 
other  mission.  I  can  rely on  your your  [hesitating.} 


20  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

DR.  BLUFF. 
Veracity,  Sir.     Don't  mince  the  word.        (S 

NESSELROBE. 

Veracity  then — to  please  you.  And  you  further  assure  me  that  you 
have  just  arrived,  and  have  made  as  yet  no  acquaintance  whatever  in 
Russia. 

DR.  BLUFF.  ' 
I  pledge  my  word  to  that  effect. 

NESSELRODE. 

You  also  promise  that  you  will  rely  on  me,  altogether,  for  your  pres- 
entation to  the  Emperor. 

DR.  BLUFF, 
I  do. 

NESSELRODE. 

And  you  shall  not  wait  long.  [Aside:]  A  cunning  dog — that!  I 
must  not  lose  sight  of  him,  and  must  fish  everything  out  of  him  before 
he  sees  the  Emperor.  But  who  comes  1  Ha !  It  is  a  man  wearing  the 
livery  of  count  Pahlen. 

SCENE  VII.— ENTER  COUNT  PAHLEN'S  SERVANT. 

SERVANT— [To  Dr.  Blujfl 

Count  Pahlen,  my  master,  being  informed  that  Dr.  Bluff  is  paying, 
this  morning,  a  visit  to  Viscountess  Mordaunt,  has  ordered  me  to  tell 
him  that  he  would  soon  be  here,  to  converse  with  him  on  the  subject  he 
knows  of,  and  begs  him  to  wait  until  he  comes.  [Bows  and  exit.] 

NESSELRODE  —  [Aside.*] 

Ha  !  Ha  !  What  can  be  the  meaning  of  all  this  ?  A  preconcerted 
interview  between  this  man  and  Pahlen ! 

DR.  BLUFF  —  [Astonished.'] 
Count  Pahlen  wishes  to  see  me  ! 

NESSELRODE  —  [Ironically] 

It  seems,  Sir,  that  when  you  told  me  you  knew  no  one  here,  you  forgot 
Count  Pahlen.  Decidedly — a  bad  memory ! 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  21 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Upon  my  word,  Sir;  I  never  knew  before  that  the  man  was  in  ex- 
istence. 

NESSELRODE  —  [Sternly.] 

Allow  me  to  remind  you,  Sir,  that  this  is  carrying  dissimulation  too 
far,  even  for  a  diplomatist. 

'  DR.  BLUFF. 

By  the  Eternal  God I  swear 

NESSELRODE. 

Don't  swear but  cease  to  dissemble,   since  you  have  been  thus 

accidently  betrayed ;  and  believe  me,  the  best  policy  now  is  to  tell  me 
the  object  of  your  interview  with  Count  Pahlen. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

How  can  I  guess  at  it,  unless  it  be  that  Count  Pahlen,  being  despaired 
of  by  the  Russian  faculty,  wants  to  try  an  American  doctor ! 

NESSELRODE  —  [  With  muck  dignity.} 

Sir,  I  have  done  with  one  who  acts  with  such  levity.  I  will  only 
say  that  I  am  amazed  at  the  pertinacity  with  which  you  continue  to 
affirm,  after  the  message  delivered  to  you  in  my  presence  from  Count 
Pahlen,  that  you  had  no  other  object  in  coming  here  than  the  gratifica- 
tion of  your  curiosity,  and  the  presentation  to  the  Emperor  of  an  insig- 
nificant address  from  a  few  of  your  fellow  citizens,  about  matters  with 
which  they  have  nothing  to  do. 

DR.  BLUFF  —  [Exasperated.] 

This  is  really  beyond  endurance — you  will  drive  me  mad.  Well ! 
Sir—  since  you  persecute  me  so,  I  will  confess,  although  I  might  keep 
it  to  myself,  because  it  is  no  concern  of  yours,  and  is  strictly 'profes- 
sional, that  I  have  another  object  in  view. 

NESSELRODE  —  [Aside] 
At  last ! —  I  knew  it  would  come  out. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

You  want  me  to  tell  you  all  ? 

NESSELRODE. 
1  think  it  is  my  duty,  as  Minister  of  his  imperial  majesty,  to  insist  on  it. 


22  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Well,  then — do  you  know  Swaim's  panacea  ? 

NESSELRODE. 

What!     What! 

/ 

DR.  BLUFF. 
It  cures  everything,  Sir,  and  has  made  Swaim  as  rich  as  Croesus. 

NESSELRODE. 

What  nonsense  is  this  ! 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Nonsense  !  —Do  you  know  Townsend's  sarsaparilla  ?  It  so  renovates 
the  system,  that  it  would  turn  an  old  man  like  you  into  a  young  one— 
and,  what  is  better,  it  has  put  five  hundred  thousand  dollars  into 
Townsend's  pocket. 

NESSELRODE. 
Do  you  dare  thus  to  trifle  with  me ! 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Trifle  ! — Wait  a  little.  Do  you  know  Dalley's  pain  extractor  ?  It 
will  extract  every  rheumatism  out  of  your  bones,  and  set  you  a  dancing 
a  jig,  like  any  Virginia  country  belle.  It  is  making  the  fortune  of  its 
inventor. 

NESSELRODE, 

I  cannot  listen  any  longer  to  such 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Ah  !  but  you  must,  though — since  you  want  to  know  all  the  secrets 
of  my  profession.  Know  then  that  I  came  here  with  the  intention  of 
imitating  these  good  examples,  and  of  putting  out  in  the  market,  when 
I  return  home,  another  universal  remedy — which  I  shall  call  Dr.  Bluff's 
Cossack  elixir. 

NESSELRODE. 

Stop,  Sir — no  more  of  these  fooleries,  and  listen  to  words  of  serious 
import.  You  have  been  detected  in  a  mysterious  correspondence  with 
Count  Pahlen  under  suspicious  circumstances,  made  still  more  so  by 
your  denegations.  I  warn  you  that  I  shall  give  immediate  information 
of  it  to  the  Emperor. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA  —  A  COMEDY.  23 

t 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Do  what  you  please,  0  most  acute  and  incredulous  of  Ministers  ! 
But  I  affirm  that  I  never  saw  Count  Pahlen,  and  that  I  have  no  business 
with  him  whatever. 

NESSELEODE. 

It  seems  that  Tie  has  —  for  I  see  him  coming  through  the  park,  no 
doubt  to  meet  you. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Is  that  Count  Pahlen?  —  Well!  Let  him  come.  We  'shall  see. 
[Aside.]  It  seems  that  I  am  a  more  important  man  than  ever  I  thought, 
and  that  some  great  mission,  or  other,  has  been  tacked  to  the  tail  of  my 
coat  without  my  being  aware  of  it. 

SCENE  VIII.—  NESSELKODE,  DE.  BLUFF,  PAHLEN. 

JAMES  —  [  Announcing  :\ 
His  excellency  Count  Pahlen. 

PAHLEN—  [Aside.] 
Good  God  !—  Nesselrode  still  here  ! 

NESSELRODE. 

Really,  Count,  this  is  an  unexpected  pleasure  to  meet  you  here. 

PAHLEN. 

I  was  on  my  way  to  your  excellency's  country  seat,  on  some  State 
business,  when  seeing  your  equipage  in  the  court-yard  of  the  Viscountess, 
I  entered. 

NESSELRODE. 

And  you  did  well.     [.4$zWe.]     The  Count  lies  prettily,  and  does  not 


suspect  I  know  he  came  for  Dr.  Bluff. 

PAHLEN  —  [Feigning  to  recognize  Dr.  Blujf.] 
But  who  have  we  here  ?    Dr.  Bluff  —  I  declare  ! 

NESSELRODE—  [Aside.] 
The  surprise  is  well  acted  —  upon  my  word,  it  is  very  well  acted. 

PAHLEN. 

I  am  glad  to  meet  you  thus  accidentally,  Doctor.     How  long  have1 
you  been  in  Russia  ? 


24  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY 

• 

NESSELRODE. 

Why  ! — Doctor,  I  thought  I  had  heard  you  say  you  knew  no  one  in 
Russia.  [  To  Pahlen.]  Count,  the  Doctor  seems  to  be  an  old  acquaint- 
ance of  yours  ? 

PAHLEN. 

More  than  an  acquaintance — he  is  an  old  friend.  I  had  the  advantage 
of  knowing  him  when  I  was  Minister  at  the  Court  of  St.  James.  The 
Doctor  was  then  on  a  visit  to  England — and  I  happened  to  be  much 
benefited  by  his  medical  advice.  Welcome  to  Russia,  Doctor.  [Shakes 
hands  with  the  Doctor  and  whispers  to  1dm  :  ]  Don't  contradict  any  of 
my  statements.  We  must  blind  the  old  fox.  [  The  doctor  looks  muck 
puzzled,  and  stares  alternately  at  Nesselrodc  and  Pahlen.] 

NESSELRODE—  [  With  ironical  gravity,  to  Doctor  Bluf:] 
Sir,  I  compliment  you  on  your  meeting  again  so  old  and  so  valuable 
a  friend  as  Count  Pahlen.  \_Aside.~\  The  fellow  has  brass  enough  in 
his  composition.  Although  fully  exposed,  he  is  still  acting,  and  trying 
to  deceive.  [To  Pahlen  and  Dr.  Bluff :]  Let  me  not  interfere  with 
your  meeting.  Old  friends  must  have  so  many  things  to  say  to  each 
other !  I  shall  occupy  myself  with  reading  certain  despatches,  whilst 
awaiting  the  return  of  the  Viscountess.  [^UzVZe:]  I'll  keep  an  eye  on 
them.  [He  takes  a  seat  by  a  table  which  is  at  some  distance  from  the 
Doctor  and  Pahlen^] 

v  PAHLEN.  [  To  the  Doctor.} 

That  won't  do,  to  allow  him  to  remain  in  the  room.  Can't  you  devise 
some  pretext  or  other  to  drive  him  away  1  It  would  come  with  a  better 
grace  from  you  than  from  me.  Tax  your  diplomatic  skill,  and  do  it. 

DOCTOR  BLUFF— [Aside.] 

Here  is  another  with  crooked  ways  and  mysteries  !  [  To  Pahlen.] 
And  so — you  want  to  get  rid  of  the  old  man  ? 

PAHLEN. 

Of  course.  But  it  must  be  done  in  such  a  way,  that  he  must  not  sus- 
pect anything. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Good  !  He  must  not  suspect  anything,  hey  !  [ Aside]  I'll  give  you 
secrecy  and  diplomacy  with  a  vengeance.  [Approaching  Nesselrode.] 
Sir!....  [Nesselrode  looks  up.~]  Do  you  know  what  that  gentleman 
yonder  wants  ? 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA. — A  COMEDY.  •&& 

NESSELRODE. 

No. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

He  wants  me  to  find  out  some  pretext  or  other,  to  send  you  out  of  the 
way. 

NESSELRODE,     [Staring  with,  astonishment^ 

You  are  bold,  Sir — very  bold  indeed  !  But  I  understand....  I  leave 
you  master  of  the  field,  although  I  warn  you  that  you  will  not  baffle  me 
long.  [  Aside.  ]  I  must  seek  the  Emperor,  without  loss  of  time,  and  in- 
form him  of  all  that  is  going-  on.  [Exit] 


SCENE  IX.— PAHLEN,  UK.  BLUFF. 

PAHLEN. 

How  lucky  to  have  thus  got  rid  of  him  ! — and  you  had  but  one  word 
to  say !  With  what  exquisite  tact  you  must  have  managed  it ! 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Tact,  or  no  tact — you  won't  be  troubled  with  him  any  more — I  have 
settled  that — and  now  speak  out.  [Aside.]  It  is  time  that  I  know  what 
all  this  means. 

PAHLEN. 

Yes — for  I  am  in  a  great  hurry,  and  not  a  minute  is  to  be  lost. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

To  the  point  then.  [Aside]  Bless  my  stars,  when  will  these  people 
ever  come  to  the  point ! 

PAHLEN. 
Well,  Doctor,  have  you  seen  the  Viscountess  ? 

DR.  BLUFF. 
Yes,  Sir.    , 

PAHLEN. 
And  you  are  what  she  expected  ? 

DR.  BLUFF  —  [Impatiently] 

So  it  seems;  for  she  wishes  to  consult  me  in  private.     [Aside],     Some 
4 


26  DR.   BLUFF   IN    RUSSIA — A   COMEDY. 

lover,   I  presume,  who  takes  great  interest  in  the  health  of  the  Vis- 
countess. 

PAHLEN. 

Then,  God  be  praised  !  I  was  dying  with  impatience  to  know  whether 
you  are  the  right  person.  Now,  I  am  satisfied.  Do  all  that  the  Vis- 
countess recommends.  I  will  sanction  all ;  for  we  fully  understand  each 
other.  Farewell — I  must  hasten  to  St.  Petersburg. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Stop,  Sir — this  does  not  explain  how  it  is  that 

PAHLEN. 

I  have  no  time  to  spare.  The  Viscountess  will  explain  all.  Only 
one  word  more.  Gall  on  me  to-morrow.  I  shall  obtain  an  audience  for 
you  from  the  Emperor.  Do  not,  then,  hesitate  to  fulfil  at  once  your 
mission  to  him.  The  crisis  must  be  met  boldly  and  fearlessly.  [  The 
Doctor  looks  completely  bewildered.]  Yes,  Sir,  there  must  be  no  more 
shrinking.  For  my  part,  I  am  ready  to  meet  the  storm,  and  know  at 
once  whether  I  am  to  sink,  or  svvirn.  f  Turns  to  go  away.~] 

DR.  BLUFF. 
Stop — Sir.     I  insist  on  your  explaining  how 


PAHLEN —  [  Whose  excitement  increases.] 

What  explanations !  I  can't  remain  in  such  a  position  any  longer. 
Tell  my  august  master,  in  the  most  positive  terms,  that  I  can  gratify 
neither  Nesselrode,  nor  Kourakin,  and  that  I  cannot  agree  to  either  of 
the  alliances  they  propose,  honorable  as  they  are,  on  account  of  the 
previous  engagements  contracted  in  another  quarter,  and  which  I  will 
not  suffer  to  be  broken,  or  annulled,  even  by  the  imperial  will — no— -were 
I  to  be  sent  to  Siberia. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

To  Siberia! 

PAHLEN. 

Ay !  To  Siberia.  That's  his  way.  But  show  him  immediately  the 
paper  which  you  have  in  your  possession  and  which  makes  such  an  appeal 
to  hie  gopd  feelings.  [Exit.'] 


DR.    BLUFF   IN    RUSSIA — A    COMEDY.  27 

SCENE  X. 
DR.  BLUFF— \Alone.] 

Paper!...  He  must  mean  the  address  of  the  "Bluffville  Consolidated 
Peace  Association,"  of  which  he  must  have  heard.  But  what  can  it 
have  to  do  with  the  alliances  he  speaks  of?  —  Oh!  I  have  it.  Those 
alliances  must  have  for  their  object,  either  to  continue  the  war,  or  re- 
establish peace.  Hence  the  bearing  upon  them  of  the  address  of  the 

"  Bluffville  Peace  Association."     But  what  are  those  alliances? One 

thing  is  clear — his  Majesty's  Ministers  don't  agree  about  them.  The 
Muscovite  Cabinet  is  not  a  unit,  as  we  say  in  Washington.  Kourakin 
is  for  a  certain  alliance;  Nesselrode  for  another;  and  Pahlen  for  a  third. 
Some  deep  intrigues  are  going  on,  and  it  is  intended  that  I  shall  take  in 
them  a  part  which,  so  far,  I  am  utterly  at  a  loss  to  comprehend.  What 
a  mysterious  affair  !  Will  they  ever  believe  it  in  the  United  States  ! 
But  somebody  comes.  I  hope  it  is  the  Viscountess,  who  seems  the 
person  destined  to  give  me  all  the  explanations  which  I  need.  But  no. 
It  is  not  the  Viscountess. 


SCENE  XI.— ENTER  LOD01SKA,  Hastily 

LODOISKA. 

Where  are  you,  Doctor  ?  I  am  sent  in  haste  to  you  by  the  Vis- 
countess. 

DR.  BLUFF. 
Here  I  am.  What  is  it? — What  is  it  ? 

LODOISKA. 
Great  news ! — Great  news ! — Do  you  hear  all  that  noise  ? 

DR.  BLUFF. 
Yes — I  do.  For  God's  sake,  what  i&  it?  You  seem  so  agitated ! 

LODOISKA. 
It  is  the  Emperor. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

The  Emperor ! 

LODOISKA. 

Yes — his  Imperial  Majesty.  It  so  happens  that  he  met  on  the  road 
to  St.  Petersburg  my  father,  whom  he  has  ordered  to  go  back,  and  to 
accompany  him  to  this  place. 


28  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Oh !  I  see  through  it — Count  Nesselrode  has  fulfilled  his  threats. 
He  was  to  denounce  ine  and  Count  Pahleu  to  the  Emperor,  for  some 
supposed  correspondence  and  secret  understanding  which  he  suspects  to 
exist  between  that  gentleman  and  myself. 

LODO1SKA. 

1  know  nothing  about  all  that.  I  come  in  haste,  merely  to  deliver  to 
you  a  short  message  from  the  Viscountess.  Taken  by  surprise  by  the 
Emperor's  sudden  arrival,  she  said  to  me:  "Do  me  the  favor  to  go  to 
the  Doctor,  who  is^waiting  for  me  in  the  drawing-room,  and  tell  him 
that  our  interview  must  be  postponed  for  to-day — that  Count  Pahlen 
will  give  him  all  the  necessary  information  he  wants — and  that  he  can 
act  entirely  according  to  the  Count's  directions ;  for  we  fully  understand 
each  other.  Now — farewell !  I  must  run  oft'  to  meet  the  Emperor  in 
time,  f Runs  out.\ 

DR.  BLUFF— \Alone.} 

They  fully  understand  each  other !  But  I  don't  understand  anything. 
I  must  try  to  do  it,  though.  I  can't  continue  in  this  fog.  \Seems  to 
reflect.}  Ha!  A  flash  of  light  comes  upon  me.  I  have  it....  I  have  it. 

This  Viscountess must  be  an  English  spy a  secret  envoy or 

some  such  thing.  Through  her,  England,  without  being  suspected  by 
"  Parlez'Vous  Francais,"  proposes  terms  to  Russia.  This  Count  Pahlen 
accepts  them.  Nesselrode  and  Kourakin  are  against  this  game ;  they 
are  for  continuing  this  war  as  it  is,  and  for  strengthening  Russia  by 
some  other  alliances.  Ha!  My  wily  court  intriguers,  plain  Doctor 
Bluff  is  on  your  trail,  and  will  track  you  with  the  unerring  sagacity  of 
a  backwoodsman,  I'll  match  you  all  yet.  Bless  me !  What  will  they 
say  in  the  United  States,  when  they  hear  of  all  this  !  I'll  publish  a 
full  expose  when  I  go  home.  What  a  sensation  !....But  here  comes  the 
whole  imperial  pageantry. 


SCENE  XII.  — EMPEROR,   KOURAKIN,  PAHLEN,  NESSELRODE, 
VISCOUNTESS,  LODOISKA,  DR.  BLUFF— SUITE,.... 

EMPEROR— [  To  the  Viscountess.] 

You  see,  Madam,  that  although  at  war  with  England,  I  dare  claim 
her  hospitality. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A    COMEDY.  29 

VISCOUNTESS. 

England  deplores  the  war,  Sire,  and  cannot  but  be  proud  of  the  great 
honor  done  to  her  by  her  august  guest. 

EMPEROR. 

Last  evening,  I  sent  in  haste  a  despatch  to  your  neighbour,  Count 
Nesselrode,  calling  him  back  to  St.  Petersburg.  But,  this  morning,  I 
reflected  that  my  faithful  subject — my  old  friend — needed  some  rest.  I 
determined  to  surprise  him  by  an  early  ride  to  his  residence,  and  thus 
spare  him  the  fatigues  of  the  journey.  I  met  him,  however,  on  the  way, 
and  so  near  your  Villa,  that  I  could  not  resist  the  temptation  to  stop,  and 
avail  myself  of  this  opportunity  to  thank  you,  Madam,  for  the  compli- 
ment you  pay  to  Russia,  by  continuing  to  reside  in  her  bosom,  notwith- 
standing the  untoward  events  which,  momentarily,  I  hope,  divide  two 
nations  whose  interest  it  is  to  remain  ever  united. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Sire,  a  lasting  alliance  between  Russia  and  England,  is  the  most 
fervent  wish  of  my  heart.  It  would  secure  forever  the  peace  of  the 
world. 

DR.  BLUFF—  [Aside.] 

There  comes  the  cat  out  of  the  bag !  I  had  guessed  right.  Perfidious 
Albion  is  going  to  drop  too  confiding  France. 

EMPEROR —  [  With  a  smile — to  the  Viscountess.] 

Well !  Madam — as  I  have  met,  this  morning,  two  of  my  Ministers, 
Count  Pahlen  and  Count  Nesselrode,  coming  out  of  your  house,  I  sup- 
pose that  there  must  be  between  you  some  secret  negotiations  going  on, 
which  will  end  in  happy  results. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Those  happy  results,  Sire,  may  be  forwarded  by  the  appeal  which  is 
to  be  made  to  your  generosity  and  magnanimity  by  Doctor  Bluff,  from 
the  United  States  of  America,  and  whom  I  beg  leave,  thus  inform- 
ally, to  introduce  to  the  kind  notice  of  your  Majesty.  Dr.  Bluff  is 
recently  from  England,  where  he  has  seen  my  uncle,  the  Duke  of 
Devonshire,  and  I  believe  that  he  has  some  mission  near  your  Majesty. 

EMPEROR— [To  Doctor  Bluff.] 

I  am  always  glad  to  see  Americans.  They  are  a  straightforward  and 
manly  people,  and  their  government  is  worthy  of  them.  I  look  upon  the 


30  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

United  States  as  my  natural  allies,  and  shall  be  happy,  Sir,  at  the  earliest 
opportunity,  to  take  cognizance  of  the  business  you  have  to  lay  before 
me 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Sire — these  people  around  you  are  laboring  under  some  strange  hal- 
lucination. I  have  no  other  mission  than  that  of  laying  before  your 
Majesty  an  address  from  the  "Bluffville  Peace  Association." 

NESSELRODE—  [Aside.] 

With  what  ability  he  conceals  his  purposes,  until  he  developes  them 
to  the  Emperor  in  private !  A  wonderful  man,  indeed  ! 

EMPEROR—  [To  Doctor  Bluf.} 

Nothing  can  be  more  agreeable  to  me,  Sir,  than  such  a  mission  as 
yours.  Peace  1  I  think  of  nothing  else,  and  if  my  heart  were  opened, 
the  word  peace,  would  be  found  inscribed  in  it.  [Aside,  to  Ncsselrode.] 
This  is  the  sentiment  to  be  proclaimed,  Nesselrode,  on  all  occasions, 
until  we  get  to  Constantinople. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

I  must  not  permit  your  Majesty  to  remain  under  any  misapprehension. 
I  am  plain  Dr.  Bluff,  and  no  diplomate ;  and  as  to  those  "  Peace  Resolu- 
tions," your  Majesty  must  not  suppose  that  the  President  of  the  United 
States  ever  authorized  me  to.... 

EMPEROR. 

Be  at  ease,  Sir — be  at  ease.  I  love  plain  men.  But  no  explanations 
are  necessary  for  the  present. 

DR.  BLUFF— [Aside.] 
He  also  wants  no  explanation  !....     They  are  all  alike. 

EMPEROR. 

Let  business,  Sir,  be  postponed  to  a  more  auspicious  moment — although 
I  have  here  all  the  materials  to  hold  a  Cabinet  Council.  Here  is 
Nesselrode  my  Minister  of  Foreign  Affairs,  Kourakin  the  Minister  of 
Justice  and  of  the  Interior,  and  Pahlen  the  Minister  of  War.  Almost 
a  full  council. 

LODOISKA. 

And  with  your  Majesty's  consent,  I  will  act  as  Secretary  to  the 
Council. 

EMPEROR. 
Ha !     My  pert  god-daughter,  I  should  have  been  astonished  if  you 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  31 

had  not  had  something  to  say !  No — no — damsel,  I  don't  accept  your 
services  in  such  serious  matters.  I  reserve  you  for  the  department  of 
Court  Ball  invitations.  And  this,  by  the  by,  puts  me  in  mind  that  the 
Empress  has  a  small  private  re-union  this  evening.  Will  she  have  the 
pleasure  of  being  favored  with  your  company,  Viscountess  ? 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Sire,  I  am  deeply  grateful  for  your  Majesty's  condescension.  But, 
under  present  circumstances,  would  it  be  proper  for  me  to  show  myself 
at  Court? 

EMPEEOE. 

Am  I  not  at  your  house,  Madam  ?  [  Viscountess  bows  low.]  Besides, 
it  would  only  be  returning  my  visit,  and  this,  I  believe,  would  not  be 
an  impropriety,  even  in  times  of  war.  Moreover,  as  I  have  told  your 
Ladyship,  it  is  a  very  private  re-union.  Alas  !  In  these  sad  times,  when 
so  much  blood  is  shed,  gaiety  is  not  permitted  to  enter  the  house  of  the 
Sovereign  of  Eussia. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

May  it  soon  return  to  that  august  abode,  Sire,  with  all  its  train  of 
pleasures!  This  is  the  wish  I  shall  express,  to-night,  to  your  Majesty's 
noble  consort. 

EMPEEOE— [To  Dr.  Bluff.'] 

Let  America,  to-night,  be  represented  by  you,  Doctor.  It  will  afford 
me  pleasure. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Allow  me,  Sire,  to  lead  you  to  the  adjoining  room,  where  some  refresh- 
ments await  your  Majesty. 

[  The  Emperor  offers  his  arm  to  the  Viscountess,  and  the  whole  com- 
pany moves  off,  save  Dr.  Bluff.  ] 

DE.  BLUFF— [Alone.] 

Now,  I'll  go  post  haste  to  St.  Petersburg  without  loss  of  time,  to  pro- 
Vide  myself  with  a  decent  suit  of  clothes  for  the  occasion.  But,  certainly  ^ 
these  Eussians  are  the  most  extraordinary  set  of  people  on  the  face  of 
God's  earth.  They  know  a  man's  secrets — when  he  has  none !  They 
give  no  explanations  when  desired,  and  they  accept  none  when  offered ! — • 
Upon  my  word,  it  produces  more  confusion  than  Shakspeare  ever  put  in 
"Midsummer  Night's  Dream."  But  I  am  not  the  man  to  play  Bully 
Bottom,  and  have  an  ass's  head  clapped  on  my  shoulders.  No.  I'll 
know,  this  very  evening,  before  going  to  bed — what  is  what— or  I'll 
lose  the  name  of  plain  Doctor  Bluff. 


32  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A    COMEDY. 

-A.GT    II. 

SCENE  I. 

A  room  in  the  Imperial  Palace,  at  St.  Petersburg. 

ENTER  NESSELRODE  AND  LODOISKA. 


LODOISKA. 

You  have  hurried  me,  father,  to  come  to  this  soiree — which  is  unusual 
with  you;  for  at  any  Court  Ball,  or  other  like  entertainment,  you  are 
sure  to  be  always  the  last  to  make  your  appearance. 

NESSELRODE. 

Yes. — I  was  anxious  to  be  among  the  first  here,  with  the  hope  of 
meeting  Doctor  Bluff  before  he  speaks  to  the  Emperor. 

LODOISKA. 

That  American  Doctor,  still  in  your  mind !  He  must  be  a  very  im- 
portant man,  indeed  | 

NESSELRODE. 

An  important  man  he  is,  or  must  become,  if  his  other  faculties  are 
equal  to  his  brass,  and  powers  of  dissimulation.  But  I  am  not  his  dupe. 
Truly,  those  Americans  are  astonishing.  They  are  Jacks  at  all  trades. 
Here  is  a  physician — a  bad  one,  I  dare  say — who  turns  out  to  be  an 
excellent  diplomatist. 

LODOISKA. 

But,  after  all,  what  have  you  detected  in  that  American  Doctor  to  make 
you  uneasy  ? 

NESSELRODE. 
What  I  have  detected  !     Why! — a  host  of  things. 

LODOISKA. 

You  frighten  me,  Pa,  with  your  penetration  ! 

NESSELRODE. 

In  the  first  place,  he  has  a  secret  mission  from  the  United  States,  and 


PR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA A  COMEDY.  33 

lie  denies  it  to  me !  First  symptom.  He  comes  post  haste  to  Russia, 
under  the  most  frivolous  pretexts.  Second  sympton.  He  is  an  old 
acquaintance  of  Count  Palilen,  and  is  in  mysterious  correspondence  with 
him  about  something,  or  other.  That,  he  denies  also.  TMrd  symptom 
and  last,  where  did  I  first  discover  that  man,  who  seems  to  have  dropped 
from  the  clouds] — Why — at  the  house  of  that  English  Viscountess 
whom  I  have  long  suspected.  And  there  is  nothing  at  the  bottom  of  all 
this  ! 

LODOLSKA. 

Suppose  there  is  something.     What  have  you  to  fear? 

NESSELRODE. 

What  I  have  to  fear? The  intimacy  of  that  infernal  American 

Doctor  with  Count  Palilen.  The  Emperor  attaches  a  great  deal  of 
importance  to  possessing,  in  the  present  struggle,  the  moral  force  which 
he  thinks  he  will  derive  from  the  sympathies  of  the  United  States. 
May  not  that  Doctor's  mission  be  of  such  a  nature  as  to  meet  the  Em- 
peror's views  in  that  respect  ?  And  will  Palilen  be  {he  first  to  know  that 
mission?  Will  he  be  ihejirsf  to  communicate  it  to  the  Emperor?  My 
credit  at  Court  would  greatly  suffer  from  it....  and  if,  after  that,  Pahlen 
were  to  marry  the  daughter  of  my  old  rival  Kourakin,  it  would  be  inferred 
that  my  star  has  set,  or  is  setting  forever. 

LODOISKA. 

But  here  comes  this  dreaded  Doctor,  with  the  borrowed  plumage  of  a 
peacock.     0 !  how  he  struts  ! 


SCENE   II.— DR.  r.LUFF,  NESSELRODE,  LODOISKA. 


DR.  BLUFF— [Bowing  right  and  It  ft.}  To  Lodoiska: 
How  pretty  you  look,  Miss  Nesselrode  I  I  kiss  my  hand  to  you. 
[Aside.}  That  is  courtly,  I  hope.  [  To  Nesselrodc.}  How  grand  you 
look  with  all  your  crosses  and  stars!  \Aside:}  Flattery  is  the  drug  to 
be  used  in  this  atmosphere,  f  To  Ncaselrode :}  How  do  you  think  I  look 
in  this  costume? 

XESSELRODE. 

Very  natural — I  assure  you — Sir.     Very  natural 


34  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Hem !  Hem !  I  have  my  doubts  about  it — you  see.  We  are  not 
used  to  such  flummery  at  home.  But  let  it  pass  for  once.  Where  is 
the  Emperor? 

NESSELRODE. 

In  the  inner  appartments.  But,  once  for  all,  Sir,  before  you  see  him, 
allow  me  to  put  you  again  in  mind  that,  as  Minister  of  Foreign  Affairs, 
I  have  the  right  to  be  the  first  to  be  informed  of  the  object  of  your  mission 
here. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Gracious  God  !  Am  I  again  to  .be  pestered  with  these  groundless 
suppositions  1  And  if  I  had  really  any  serious  business  to  transact,  is 
this  the  time  and  place  for  it  ? 

NESSELRODE— [Smiling] 

As  to  that,  my  good  Sir,  State  secrets  are  as  often  communicated  in 
the  ball  room,  as  anywhere  else,  and  it  is  not  always  in  the  Ministerial 
Offices  that  the  most  important  negotiations  are  conducted  and  terminated. 

LODOISKA. 

The  fact  is,  Doctor,  that  it  is  time  to  put  an  end  to  my  father's  un- 
easiness. Remember  the  Message  which  I  carried  to  you,  this  morning, 
from  the  Viscountess.  It  certainly  meant  that  there  are  confidential 
relations  existing  between  you,  the  Viscountess,  and  Count  Pahlen. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Heavens !  This  caps  the  climax.  I  shall  go  distracted.  Strange 
how  appearances  work ! 

NESSELRODE. 

Ha !  Ha !  Doctor.  Fairly  caught — hey  ? — and  by  a  child !  Now  what 
do  you  say? 

DR.  BLUFF. 

What  I  say  1  [Aside.]  Ah !  When  I  speak  the  truth  to  you  all, 
my  gentle  folks,  you  don't  believe  me  !  Well — I'll  serve  you  according 
to  your  taste. 

NESSELRODE, 
Yes — what  do  you  say  ? 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  35 

DR.  BLUFF. 

I  understand  you,  Count,  to  be  satisfied  that  I  have  a  secret  mission. 

Hey! 

NESSELRODE. 
I  am. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Well,  I  am  satisfied  too,  if  you  are.  [Aside.'}  I'll  humor  them  all 
with  a  vengeance. 

NESSELRODE. 

This  being  at  last  admitted,  I  suppose  that  you  can  have  no  longer 
any  objection  to  communicate  to  me,  briefly,  the  outlines  of  that  mission, 
so  that  I  may  prepare  the  Emperor  to  hear  it. 

DR.  BLUFF — [  With  an  assumed  air  of  offended  dignity] 

I  will  not  tell  it  to  you,  Sir.  That  is  precise,  and  to  the  point,  1 
believe.  \_Aside.~\  A  very  good  reason  I  have  for  not  telling  him  any- 
thing. 

NESSELRODE— {Sternly.'] 

That  is  enough.  I  shall  know  how  to  resent  this  want  of  respect. 
Well ! — Sir, — play  your  game,  as  you  understand  it.  I  shall  play  mine. 
Daughter,  follow  me. 

LODOISKA. 

Allow  me,  father,  to  say  a  few  words  to  the  Doctor. 

NESSELRODE—  [Abruptly.'] 
No. —  [  With  a  milder  Jone.]     Yes — as  you  please.     [Exit.] 

SCENE  III.— DK.  BLUFF,  LODOISKA. 
LODOISKA — [Approaching  the  Doctor  coaxinglyJ] 
Doctor,  my  father,  seems  to  think  that  you  are  a  dangerous  man ! 

DR.  BLUFF —  [  With  an  affectation  of  sternest."] 
I  am. 

LODOISKA. 
A  very  important  man  ! 


36  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA A  COMEDY. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

I  am  very  important .     \_Aside.~]     So,  at  least  you  all  seem  to  think. 

LODOISKA. 
Coming  here  with  very  dark  purposes  ! 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Dark — very  dark  indeed.  [Aside. ~]  So  dark,  that  I  cannot  see  through 
them  myself. 

LODOISKA. 

Everybody  thinks  that  you  have  great  influence  with  Count  Pahlen. 

DR.  BLUFF. 
Everybody  must  be  right. 

LODOISKA. 

Dear  Doctor,  such  being  the  case,  will  you  do  me  a  great  favor  ? 
DR.  BLUFF — [Smiling  lenignantly.] 

A  favor  to  you,  sweet  girl!  What  favor  can  I  refuse  you?  But 
speak  plain.  Don't  be  like  those  other  folks.  Tell  me  something  that 
I  can  understand, 

LODOISKA. 

O  yes — something  very  plain — which  you  will  understand,  and  Count 
Pahlen  too. 

DR.  BLUFF. 


That  is  right.     Well !     What  is  it '( 


LODOISKA. 

Just  tell  Count  Pahlen  that  I  entreat  him  to  reject,  as  soon  as  possible, 
the  alliance  desired  by  my  father. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Ay. — The  message  is  plain  enough: "that  you  entreat  him  to 

reject  the  alliance  desired  by  your  father." 

LODOISKA. 
In  so  many  words. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  37 

DR.  BLUFF.—  [Aside.] 

So  young !....  and  yet  she  already  deals  in  politics !  Faith !  It  is 
not  without  reason  that  all  the  Russian  ladies  are  said  to  be  politicians. 
[To  Lodoiska]  But,  my  beautiful  'damsel,  is  it  not  unnatural  thus  to 
side  against  your  father  ! 

LODOISKA. 

I  can't  help  it.  My  happiness  depends  on  the  rejection  of  that  alliance 
by  Count  Pahlen. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Does  it?...  Well  then I'll  make  you  happy  at  once  by  telling  you 

that  Count  Pahlen,  this  very  morning,  has  requested  me  to  inform  the 
Emperor,  that  he  could  not  give  his  assent  to  such  an  alliance. 

LODOISKA— [Clapping  Tier  hands.] 

Oh !  Indeed  !  you  make  me  happy,  as  you  say.  With  your  per- 
mission, I'll  run  to  tell  father  all  about  it — and  dear  Lipinski  too,  whom 
I  just  met  on  his  way  to  the  Palace,  and  who  looked  so  dejected. 
'[Exit.] 

DR.  BLUFF. 

So — the  work  goes  on  bravely !  But  what  kind  of  work  it  is — I  am 
not  responsible  for.  That's  clear.  Now — I'll  make  my  way  straight 
to  the  Emperor.  But  here  comes  Prince  Kourakin.  I  hope  he  is  not 
going  to  plague  me  too,  like  the  rest  of  them. 

SCENE   IV.— ENTER  PRINCE  KOURAKIN. 
KOURAKIN. 

I  have  the  honor  to  salute  the  secret  Envoy  of  the  United  States. 
DR.  BLUFF— |>i*iVfe.] 

Exactly !  The  same  cap  fits  them  all.  [  To  Kourakin]- — My  respects 
to  Prince  Kourakin. 

KOURAKIN. 

I  have  been  in  search  of  you  to  tell  you,  Sir,  that  I  shall  be  happy 
to  know  from  your  own  lips  the  views  of  the  Cabinet  of  Washington, 
particularly  in  relation  to  the  pending  struggle.  Should  you  repose 
confidence  in  me,  I  will,  if  it  be  consistent  with  my  duty,  avail  my- 
self of  the  ear  of  the  Emperor  to  favor  your  designs. 


38  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

I  shall  be  grateful,  Sir,  for  anything  you  may  deem  proper  to  do  for 
me.  [.4^'Je.]  Here  is  another,  fishing  for  pretended  secrets  existing 
only  in  his  brains ! 

KOURAKIN—  [Pointing  to  seats.] 

Pray,  Sir,  let  us  be  seated.     [Aside,  with  exultation.]     He  is  going 

to  open  himself  to  me,  when  that  cunning  old  fox,  Nesselrode,  could  not 

get  anything  out  of  him.     What  a  triumph !     [  They  take  seats,  and 

look  at  each  other  in  silence,  and  as  if  each  one  expected  a  communication 

from  the  other. \ 

KOURAKIN—  {Getting  impatient} 

I  thought  you  were  saying when  I  begged  you  be  seated 

DR.  BLUFF. 
I  beg  your  pardon,  Prince I  was  not  saying  anything. 

KOURAKIN. 

Then  I  must  have  been  mistaken.  [  With  an  air  of  extreme  indiffer- 
ence^ How  did  you  like  your  journey  to  Russia? 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Very  much — very  much  indeed.     Rather  fatiguing,  though. 
KOURAKIN—  [Pointedly.] 

But  now  that  you  are  in  Russia,  I  hope  that  you  will  find  your  way 

sinoothe  and  easy and so  far  as  it  may  depend  on  me you  may 

be  assured  that For  instance,  I  have  discovered  that  you  are  not  in 

the  good  graces  of  my  colleague  Nesselrode.  He  will  oppose  you  near 
the  Emperor.  But  should  Pahlen,  who  is  already  devoted  to  you,  I 
know,  be  backed  by  me,  you  need  not  care  for  Nesselrode. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Indeed  !     I  need  not  care  for  Nesselrode  ! 

KOURAKIN. 
No.     But  it  is  on  one  condition. 

DR.  BLUFF. 
Ho !  .  Ho ! 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  39 

KOURAKIN. 

The  condition  is,  that  you  will  use  the  great  and  mysterious  influence 
you  seem  to  possess  over  Pahlen,  to  make  him  accept  the  alliance  which 
is  the  object  of  all  my  wishes.  On  that  condition,  I  say,  I  will  favor 
your  mission.  You  see  that  I  come  at  once  to  the  point,  and  that  I  am 
as  plain  as  you  like  people  to  be  in  America. 

DR.  BLUFF.     [Aside.'] 

You  shall  have  tit  for  tat.  [  To  Kourakin. }  So,  Sir,  whether  I  deny 
it  or  not,  you  are  convinced  that  I  have  a  diplomatic  mission  here  ? 

KOURAKIN. 

Nesselrode  is  convinced  of  it.     That  is  enough  for  me. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

You  are  also  convinced  of  my  intimate  relations  with  Count  Pahlen  1 

KOURAKIN. 
Count  Pahlen  admits  them. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Well !  If  he  does,  I  will  not  contradict  him.  But  let  it  be  under- 
stood, that  you  all  assume  the  responsibility  of  what  may  result  from 
those  convictions. 

KOURAKIN. 

Why  all  these  reserves  ? 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Because  I  tell  you  frankly,  although  you  are  determined  not  to  be- 
lieve me,  that  I  don't  understand  what  you  are  driving  at and  there- 
fore I  take  ray  precautions,  not  to  be  caught  in  a  scrape. 

KOURAKIN.     [Aside.] 

What  an  admirable  man  !  He  beats  us  all  at  the  game  we  have 
studied  all  our  lives.  It  is  impossible  to  find  him  at  fault.  [  To  Dr.  Bluff] 
But,  Doctor,  you  would  not  commit  yourself  very  much  by  using  your 
influence  with  Pahlen,  to  make  him  favor  the  alliance « 


40  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Which  you  have  at  heart.  As  to  that,  sir,  I  can  speak  understand- 
ingly,  for  Count  Pahlen  told  me  this  morning,  God  only  knows  why, 
that  he  wished  me  to  inform  the  Emperor,  as  soon  as  I  got  an  audience, 
that  he,  Count  Pahlen,  could  not  gratify  your  views  as  to  the  alliance 
you  speak  of.  A  fact,  sir — and  it  is  the  only  one  of  which  I  assume  the 
responsibility. 

KOURAKIN. —  [ In  a  passion  and  rising.} 

Good  God  !  What  do  I  hear  !  And  you  make  to  me  this  announce- 
ment, Sir,  in  this  cool — deliberate  manner  ! 

DR.  BLUFF.     [Getting  excited.'] 

In  what  other  way  did  you  expect  me  to  announce  it — crying,  or 
laughing  1 

KOURAKIN. 

And  it  is  thus  that  you  dare  to  lacerate  my  feelings  ! 
DR.  BLUFF. 

I  am  sorry  for  it — but  it  is  of  your  own  seeking.  Everybody,  ever 
since  this  morning,  seems  to  think  that  I  am  a  well,  out  of  which  some- 
thing is  to  be  pumped.  So,  gentle  folks,  pump — pump — pump  away- 
You  will  have  what  you  will  have. 

KOURAKIN. 

I  see  through  it  all. 

DR.  BLUFF. 
I  am  glad  you  do.     For  I  don't. 

KOURAKIN. 

Sir,  such  a  determination  must  be  due  to  your  influence  on  Count 
Pahlen.  You  must  be  siding  in  secret  with  Nesselrode,  and  his  anger 
is  feigned.  Yes- — his  alliance  must  have  been  accepted,  and  he  triumphs 
over  me.  [Fiercely  to  Dr.  Bluff.]  You  are  at  the  bottom  of  all  this,  Sir. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

At  the  bottom — or  at  the  top — -just  as  you  please.  I  say — just  as  you 
please* — for  I  am  determined  to  let  you  all  have  your  own  way,  since  I 
can't  comprehend  what  you  are  about. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  41 

KOURAKIN. 

Very  well,  Sir — continue  the  part  you  have  assumed.  You  act  it  to 
perfection,  I  must  confess,  and  I  compliment  you  on  your  remarkable 
powers  of  dissimulation.  But  I  don't  choose  to  dissemble,  and  I  openly 
tell  you  that  you  have  in  me  an  enemy  whom  you  will  soon  find  worthy 
of  all  your  attention.  Tremble  ! — {Exit  in  a  huff.] 

DR.  BLUFF — [In  a  towering  rage,  and  shaking  Ids  Jist  at  Kourakin.\ 

Tremble  !     Tremble  ! Do  you  think  that  you  are   speaking  to  one 

of  your  serfs  !  I — Doctor  Bluff — a  free  born  American  citizen — tremble ! 
Why — man,  the  word  is  not  in  the  American  vocabulary.  [Snapping 
his  fingers]  I  don't  care  a  pinch  of  snuff  for  you  all.  The  broad 
shield  of  my  country  protects  me  wherever  I  go.  That  you  will  find  out. 

SCENE  V.— ENTER   PAHLEN  BY  A  LATEKAL    DOOR,  AND  THE 
VISCOUNTESS  BY  ONE  ON  THE  OPPOSITE  SIDE. 

PAHLEN— [To  the  Viscountess.] 

How  happy  I  am  to  meet  you !  A  storm  is  brewing — our  fate  is  to  be 
decided  soon.  I  have  just  met  Kourakin  and  Nesselrode — they  are 
both  in  a  rage.  [Seeing  Dr.  Bluff'.]  Ha !  Doctor,  what  have  you 
done  ? 

DR.  BLUFF. 

What  I  have  done? [Aside.]     Truly — I  should  like  to  know  what 

I  have  been  doing  ever  since  this  morning,  for  it  seems  that  I  have 
been  moving  heaven  and  earth. 

VISCOUNTESS. 
What  has  he  done  ? 

PAHLEN.-—  [To  the   Viscountess.] 

Instead  of  breaking  open  the  matter — first  to  the  Emperor — gradually 
and  with  proper  caution — he  has  disclosed  it  at  once  to  Kourakin  and  to 
Nesselrode,  who  are  both  in  a  great  sta|e  of  excitement,  and  who  will 
prejudice  the  Emperor  against  me  before  I  can  throw  myself  at  his  feet, 

VISCOUNTESS. 

0  heaven  !     Do  you  know,  Doctor,  that  the  Emperor  may  declare 
null  and  void  an  engagement  that  he  has  not  sanctioned — that  he  may 
send  me  back  to  England— ^and  the  Count  to  Siberia  1 
6 


42  DR..  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

PAHLEN. 

You  ought,  my  dear  Sir,  to  have  felt  the  ground  with  the  Emperor 
before  making  a  full  disclosure. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Not  at  all — not  at  all.  In  all  difficult  cases  there  is  nothing  like  tak- 
ing the  bull  by  the  horns,  as  we  do  in  America,  in  pressing  exigencies. 
It  will  all  come  right  in  the  end. — [Aside^]  I  must  cheer  them  up, 
poor  souls  ;  for  they  look  crest-fallen,  and  it  seems  that  I  have  involun- 
tarily led  them  into  a  scrape. 

PAHLEN. 

At  least,  see  the  Emperor  at  once. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Hasten  to  show  him  the  earnest  appeal  to  his  feelings  with  which 
you  are  intrusted,  before  Kourakin  and  Nesselrode  have  time  to  urge 
him  to  take  some  harsh  decision. 

DR.  BLUFF  — [  Warming  up] 

Yes — I  will  do  it  immediately — the  more  so,  that  Prince  Kourakin 
has  d^red  to  threaten  me — me  !  a  free  born  American  citizen  !  Sacred 
God  !  He  has  told  me  to  tremble  !  I'll  see  the  Emperor — I'll  complain 
of  this  outrage — I'll  talk  plain  to  the  Emperor.  I  am  not  the  man  to  be 
afraid  of  any  Emperor,  dead  or  alive,  or  of  all  the  Kourakins  in  the 
world  put  together.  I  am  an  American  citizen — every  inch  of  me,  from 
top  to  toe. 

SCENE  VI.— LODOISKA  AND  THE  PEECEDING  ACTOKS. 

LODOISKA— \_Rustiing  in.] 

O,  dear  Doctor,   how  happy  I  am  {     Let  me  shake  hands  with  you. 
There... ....to  my  heart's  content.     I  am  indebted  to  you  for  it  all.     \_Tlie 

Doctor  looks  bewddered.']  Yes — it  was  a  master  stroke  on  your  part. 
When  I  delivered  your  message  to  father,  and  told  him  that  Count 
Pahlen  rejected  his  alliance,  hi  drew  himself  up  fiercely,  and  he  said : 
"  Well,  it  seems  that  Kourakin's  alliance  is  prefered  to  mine.  But  to 
show  him  my  supreme  indifference  about  it,  and  to  convince  him  that  I 
had  at  hand  a  man  whom  I  like  just  as  much  as  Pahlen,  I  give  you  at 
once  to  Lipinski."  And  I  say,  Doctor,  this  is  all  due  to  you.  You  are 
the  greatest  diplomate  in  the  world. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA A  COMEDY.  43 

ALL. 

Here  is  the  Emperor  ! — Here  is  the  Emperor  himself ! 

SCENE  VII.— ENTEK  THE  EMPEKOK. 
EMPEROR. 

Doctor  Bluff,  I  wish  to  speak  to  you  in  private.  [  To  tlie  ladies.] 
Your  presence  is  much  desired  in  the  dancing  room.  [To  Pahlen.] 
You,  Count,  repair  to  my  closet,  and  wait  there  for  my  orders. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

[In  a  whisper  to  Dr.  Bluff".]  There  comes  the  crisis.  Much  depends 
on  you.  [Exit  with  Jjodoiska.] 

PAHLEN. 

[Also  in  a  whisper  to  the  same.}  I  should  tremble,  if  I  had  not  faith 
in  your  nerves  and  in  your  skill.  [Exit.} 

[  The  Emperor  paces  the  room  in  silence,  as  if  communing  with  him- 
self.] 

DOCTOR  -BLUFF— [Aside.] 

Really,  I  begin  to  be  uneasy — about  these  people,  of  course,  not 
about  myself.  There  is  no  Emperor,  or  King,  or  Devil  whatever,  that 
an  American  need  fear,  as  long  as  he  does  no  harm.  He  has  millions 
of  freemen  for  his  body-guard — ready  to  avenge  his  wrongs. 

EMPEROR. — [Stopping  short,  abruptly.] 
Please  to  approach,  Sir.       I  have  great  reproaches  to  address  to  you, 

DR.  BLUFF. 
To  me?   Sire. 

EMPEROR. 

Your  arrival  here  dates  from  this  morning,  and  yet,  in  so  short  a 
time,  you  have  greatly  contributed^  to  increase  the  dissensions  already 
existing  between  my  Ministers. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

How  can  it  be  possible,  Sire 

EMPEROR. 

Attempt  no  defence.  I  know  all.  It  seems,  besides,  that  on  Count 
Pahlen,  with  whom  you  have  been  long  acquainted,  you  exe'rcise  a  mys- 
terious influence. 


44  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

DR.    BLUFF. 

I  swear,  Sire 

EMPEROR. 

Don't  swear.  I  know  all.  You  have  told  Kourakin  that  Pahlen  re- 
jects the  alliance  which  the  Prince  had  at  heart. 

DR.   BLUFF. 

As  to  that,  Sire,  it  is  true. 

EMPEROR. 

Good — you  admit  it.  You  have  dealt  in  the  same  way  with  Xessel- 
rode. 

DR.   BLUFF. 
I  confess  it. 

EMPEROR. 

Good — I  like  your  candor.  But  are  you  not  aware,  Sir,  that  you 
have  consented  to  be  the  channel  through  which  the  keenest  insult  has 
been  conveyed  to  two  of  my  oldest  and  most  faithful  servants  ?  Are 
you  not  aware  that  you  have,  without  hesitation,  or  any  scruple  what- 
ever, been  the  cause  of  planting,  perhaps  forever,  the  seeds  of  discord 
and  reciprocal  hostility  in  the  breasts  of  men  whom  I  love — who  are 
necessary  to  me — and  who,  in  order  the  better  to  serve  my  interests, 
ought  always  to  be  on  the  very  best  terms  with  each  other  ? 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Sire I  regret 

EMPEROR. 

Ah  !     You  regret,  Sir ! And  what  right  had  you  to  meddle  with 

affairs  which  concerned  you  not  ?  What  connection  had  the  alliances 
you  have  contributed  to  break  with  the  mission  with  which  you  may 
have  been  intrusted  ]  Speak,  Sir,  speak.  What  apology  have  you  to 
offer  me,  on  behalf  of  Count  Pahlen  in  particular?  You  ought  to  know 
his  motives, 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Sire — all  that  I  can  comprehend  in  all  this  is,  that  Count  Pahlen  is  in 
favor  of  a  third  alliance,  and  that  he  has  even  contracted  engagements 
to  that  effect, 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY.  45 

EMPEROR 

A  third  alliance  ! — Engagements  contracted  without  my  consent ! 

Without  even  my  knowledge  !  And  it  is  from  you,  a  perfect  stranger 
here,  that  I  am  to  learn,  for  the  first  time,  that  a  subject  thus  fails  in  the 
respect  he  owes  his  sovereign  !  Wait  for  me  here — Sir.  I  must  to  my 
cabinet,  where  Count  Pahlen  expects  my  orders.  [Exit.] 

DR.  BLUFF.     [Alone.] 

Now  if  a  pretty  explanation  does  not  come  out  of  all  this — why — I 
am  no  longer  plain  Doctor  Bluff — and  if  some  evil  too  comes  out  of  it 

for  some  people,  whose  fault  is  it  ? Not  mine,  faith  !     Why  did  they 

not  explain  it  all  to  me  from  the  beginning? 

SCENE  VIII— ENTEK  VISCOUNTESS,  precipitately. 

VISCOUNTESS. 
Well — what  news,  Doctor  1 

DR.  BLUFF. 

News  ?  Bad.  The  news  is  that  the  Emperor  has  got  his  steam  up . 
and  is  gone  to  pull  the  ears  of  Count  Pahlen. 

VISCOUNTESS. 

Good  heavens  !     Did  you  tell  him  all  ? 

DR.  BLUFF. 

I  told  him  that  Count  Pahlen  had  his  own  notions,  and  had  formed  an 
alliance  of  his  own. 

VISCOUNTESS.— [In  great  alarm.'] 

0  !  He  may  be  lost !  He  may  be  under  arrest,  he  may  be  on  his  way 
to  Siberia.  I  run  to  throw  myself  at  the  feet  of  the  Emperor,  and  draw 
all  his  anger  upon  me  by  assuming  the  whole  responsibility  of  the  fault. 
[Exit.] 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Halloo  !  Things  are  coming  to  a  conclusion  any  how.  So  much  the 
better  !  I  like  conclusions.  Upon  my  word  this  is  exciting,  and  I 
begin  to  feel  that  I  am  warming  into  a  fever  myself. 


46  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

SCENE  IX. 
NESSELRODE— [Hurrying  in] 

Doctor,  I  am  content.     Glad  to  tell  you  so. 

DR.  BLUFF— [Aside.-] 

Ho  !  Ho  ! — Here  is  a  change  of  tone !  What's  in  the  wind  now, 
I  wonder  ? 

NESSELRODE. 

Yes,  Sir — I  am  well  pleased  with  you.  Thanks  to  your  energy,  to  the 
promptitude  of  your  decision,  and  to  your  manly  frankness,  everything  is 
arranged.  I  am  just  from  the  Emperor's  cabinet,  where  a  full  explana- 
tion took  place,  and  I  repeat  it,  I  am  highly  pleased  with  the  course 
pursued  by  you  on  this  occasion. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Delighted  to  hear  it and  thus Count  Pahlen  accepts  your 

alliance  ? 

NESSELRODE. 

No  ! — How  can  it  be  ?     You  know  better. 

DR.  BLUFF—  [Perplexed.\ 

> 

True— I  know  better.     Then  he  goes  over  to  Prince  Kourakin  ? 

NESSELRODE. 
No  !     How  can  you  talk  so  ?     You  know  it  is  impossible. 

DR.  BLUFF. 
True,  it  is  impossible I  had  forgotten. 

NESSELRODE. 

After  all — you  have  succeeded  admirably,  with  all  your  affectation  of 
ignorance  and  bluntness.  You  are  an  admirable  actor — truly  a  born 
diplomate. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Sir,  you  do  me  too  much  honor. 

NESSELRODE. 

Not  at  all ;  for  you  have  pleased  everybody — and  that  is  no  common 
secret.  As  to  myself,  I  am  fully  satisfied  with  the  arrangement,  as  it 
gives  Prince  Kourakin  no  advantage  over  me. 


DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

And  Prince  Kourakin  ? is  lie  equally 

NESSELRODE. 

Bound  to  be,  my  dear  Sir— how  can  it   be  otherwise  1 From  the 

moment  that  I  got  no  advantage  over  him? That  was  all  he  wanted. 

That's  plain. 

DR.  BLUFF.     [Aside.'] 

Plain  to  everybody,  except  to  myself. 

SCENE  X. 
PAHLEN —  [Rushing  in.} 

Victory!  Doctor,  victory!      Thanks  to  you,  all  is  known — all  is  ex- 
plained. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

I  am  overjoyed  to  hear  it — and  so — all  is  explained  ?  is  that  a  fact  ? — 
a  real  fact  ? 

PAHLEN. 

To  be  sure  !     How  can  you  doubt  it,  after  what  you  have  done,  when 
you  have  conducted  every  thing  ? 

DR.  BLUFF— [,1^.] 

Heaven  be  praised  !  Now  that  all  is  explained,  I  shall  know  what 
I  have  done. 

SCENE  XI.— ENTER  THE  EMPEROK,  VISCOUNTESS,  LODOISKA^ 
KOURAKIN,  LADIES   AND  GENTLEMEN. 

EMPEROR—  To  [Dr.  Bluff.} 

Sir,  I  avail  myself  with  pleasure  of  this  opportunity  of  testifying 
openly  my  approbation  of  what  you  have  done.  You  have  shown  your 
horror  of  concealment  and  duplicity,  and  you  have  acted  on  behalf  of 
your  friend  Pahlen,  as  you  would  have  done  for  yourself — with  manly 
frankness.  That  is  the  proper  deportment  of  a  gentleman.  It  is  a  lesson 
which  you  have  given,  Sir ;  and  I  hope  it  may  profit  some  of  those  who 
hear  me.  Let  them  know  that,  for  the  future,  nothing  must  be  concealed 
from  me*  I  am  above  disguise  myself — and  I  want  no  disguise — in 
those  who  ought  to  have  claims  to  my  confidence.  [  Whilst  saying  these 


48  DR.  BLUFF  IN  RUSSIA — A  COMEDY. 

words,  he  looks  around  the  circle  of  attendants  about  him^]  I  love  truth 
above  all.  [  To  Dr.  Bluff^\  Sir,  when  you  return  to  your  country,  let  it 
be  understood  there,  that  the  Emperor  of  all  the  Russias  loves  truth  just 
as  much  as  the  President  of  the  United  States. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Sire,  these  august  words  shall  be  repeated.  But  shall  I  be  permitted 
to  avail  myself  of  this  opportunity,  when  your  Majesty  seems  so  well 
disposed,  to  present  the  Resolutions  of  the  "  Bluffville  Peace  Associa- 
tion ?  "  [Pulls  them  out  of  his  coat  pocket.] 

EMPEROR 

Certainly. —  [  Takes  the  paper  which  he  hands  over  to  Nesselrode^\ 
Have  charge  of  them,  Nesselrode,  and  lay  them  before  me,  to-morrow, 
at  the  meeting  of  the  Council. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

I  hope  your  Majesty  will  pardon  this  interference 

EMPEROR. 

Pardon  ! — Sir.  There  is  no  need  of  pardon,  when  I  am  glad  of  what 
you  call  an  interference.  Peace  ? — I  like  the  very  word  !  You,  in 
particular,  have  the  right  to  recommend  peace,  when  you  have  so  power- 
fully contributed  to  re-establish  concord  and  harmony  around  me — 
among  my  faithful  servants.  Nesselrode  and  Kourakin  cannot  com- 
plain— their  dignity  cannot  be  wounded — now  that  you  have  boldly 
come  out,  and  made  known  at  once  the  previous  engagements  contracted 
by  Count  Pahlen. 

DR.  BLUFF  —  [Aside.-] 

I'll  have  it  published  in  the  New  York  Herald  that  if  the  Russian 
Cabinet  is  a  unit,  it  is  due  to  Dr.  Bluff.  The  allied  powers  will  be  in 
a  rage. 

EMPEROR. 

And,  Sir,  I  will  further  add,  for  your  special  satisfaction,  that  I  fully 
ratify  the  alliance  made  by  Count  Pahlen. 

DR.  BLUFF—  [Aside.] 

Some  great  alliance  that  will  change  the  face  of  the  world ! And 

I  am  the  cause  of  it !  They  will  receive  me  with  bonfires,  illuminations 
and  processions  all  over  the  United  States.  [  To  the  Emperor. ~\  Sire, 
I  will  make  your  magnanimity  known  from  Maine  to  California* 


DR.   BLUFF    IN    RUSSIA A    COMEDY.  49 

EMPEROR. 

Furthermore,  Sir — to  give  you  an  additional  proof  of  my  satisfaction, 
I  wish  you  to  be -the  first  to  know  and  to  inform  the  President  of  the 
United  States,  that  I  Avill  sign  the  treaty  in  relation  to  the  "  Rights  of 
Neutrals,"  which  your  Minister  plenipotentiary  has  laid  before  me. 

DR.  BLUFF. 

Sire,  I  cannot  sufficiently  express  to  your  Majesty  how  grateful  I  am 
for  so  many  favors. 

EMPEROR. 

Nay,  Sir — I  will  do  more — to  show  to  the  whole  world  how  I  appre- 
ciate frankness  of  deportment,  plain  and  honest  dealing,  and  fearless 
independence,  I  will  cause  to  be  delivered  to  you,  to-morrow,  a  com- 
munication to  the  President  of  the  United  States,  containing  in  the 
most  precise  and  clearest  terms,  a  full  recital  of  all  that  you  have  done 
here,  and  I  wish  it  to  be  recorded  as  a  high  testimonial  of  my  esteem 
for  you.  [  To  the  whole  company,]  and  now  let  us  move  on,  and  join 
the  Empress,  who  has  been  somewhat  neglected  this  evening. 

\JFhe  Emperor  offers  his  arm  to  the  Viscountess,  and  the  whole  train 
proceeds  to  the  inner  departments.] 

DR.  BLUFF—  [Ahne.] 

Well — if  I  am  not  a  great  man,  who  is  1  Who  is  to  look  big,  if  not 
plain  Dr.  Bluff?  I  have  done  wonders — that's  clear.  But  what  are 
those  wonders  ?  That  is  the  question.  It  is  too  late  for  me  to  ask  any 
explanation.  It  would  be  confessing  that  I  know  nothing — that  I  have 
done  nothing — and  that  I  am  nobody.  No.  No — that  won't  do,  Doctor 
Bluff.  All  that  remains  for  me  to  dr>,  since  my  friend  the  Emperor  is 
going  to  explain  it  all  to  mv  friend  the  President  of  the  United  States*, 
is  to  start  for  home  to-morrow,  and  learn  at  Washington  what  I  have 
been  doing  at  St.  Petersburg 

THE    END. 


The  author  acknowledges  with  pleasure  that  ho  is  indebted  for  some  of  his 
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